


Better than I Know Myself

by sktrgrl13



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Protective Gray Fullbuster, Protective Natsu Dragneel, Self-Hatred, free space, gratsubingo2019, heart to heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-07-11 21:04:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19934482
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sktrgrl13/pseuds/sktrgrl13
Summary: After a gruelling battle with a guild called Shadow Skull, Gray is devastated by the loss of his brother; so devastated that he's decided to leave Fairy Tail...FOR GOOD! Will a certain hot headed dragon slayer be able to talk some sense into him, or will Gray be lost to them forever?





	Better than I Know Myself

**Author's Note:**

> Another rewrite and addition to the Gratsu Bingo! (Double update -- I'm all fired up!)
> 
> This time we have some established Gratsu and I'll be tackling a free space; I hope you guys enjoy!

He didn't know why he was there.

All the laughter that engulfed the guild echoed around him; the clinking of glasses, the guzzling of booze, and the constant singing and cheering. If it had been any other moment, at any other time, he would've been joining them in their celebration. After all, the Neo Alliance had just banded together for the second time after seven years to defeat a group of dark mages known as Shadow Skull who wanted to resurrect the Tower of Heaven in order to create the World of Great Magic.

It turned out that their master, Hecate had been a disciple of Hades and planned to complete what her ex-master had been unable to. It had taken the combination of Fairy Tail, Lamia Scale, Blue Pegasus, Mermaid Heel and Sabertooth to defeat them. At the end of it all, they were lucky to have succeeded; hence the celebrations and alcohol consumption. But he couldn't celebrate.

How could he when Lyon was dead?

His blunt nails scratched against the surface of the table at the thought; his blue eyes narrowed at the pitcher of alcohol sitting in front of him. What the hell was he even doing at the guild? He should be trying to get as far away from them as possible. Death follows him around like the plague. If he wasn't careful, all of his friends, his family, his loved ones would end up dying before his eyes. 

Hell, maybe even the people who hated him were vulnerable to the  _ disease _ he carried within his blood. Lyon could barely stand his existence for the better part of ten years and yet, his life was snatched away.

He could feel the tears building behind his eyes, but he couldn't let them fall. Not here. 

He would not ruin the only happiness his family had; not when danger could be lurking just around the corner. He just had to rebuild those walls; he had to reinforce the coldness that he used to carry in his heart. He had to welcome the darkness that Ur had given her life to melt away; that  _ Natsu _ had given so much to keep at bay. 

But, freezing his heart was a small price to pay to protect his friends. 

Gray huffed heavily through his nose and grabbed his pitcher of beer. His eyes swept over the guild hall covertly before chugging the bitter liquid down his tight throat; nearly choking in the process. 

When he was sure he had swallowed the last drop, he slammed the pitcher onto the table and pushed himself out of the bench. He was about to turn on his heel to leave the guild hall and hide, no,  _ rest _ in his house for a couple days when a dainty hand rested on his forearm. 

He yanked his arm back as if he had been shocked by one of Laxus' lightning bolts and stared down at the rain woman, who he had no idea was seated beside him. Stellar observation skills.

"Gray-sama?"� She tilted her head curiously; her wide eyes searching his face emphatically, "Juvia is wondering if you're alright; you seem a little down."�

The raven clenched his fists at his sides,

"I'm fine."�

The blunette reached out for his arm once more and managed to latch onto his coat sleeve,

"If Gray-sama would like to leave with Juvia so she can give you a nice massage..."�

Gray grimaced uncomfortably and unconsciously shifted away from the rain woman; she still hadn't gotten the whole 'he's in a relationship' concept quite yet,

"That's really not necessary..."�

"Juvia knows that Gray-sama suffered greatly on this last mission,"� She interrupted him softly; compassion welling in her gaze, "Juvia didn't know him as long as you, but she thinks that Lyon-sama wouldn't want you to be sad."�

The words had barely left her mouth when Gray felt his magic swirling dangerously in his palms. She must have felt it too because her hand had immediately retracted; her blue eyes looking up at him with something akin to worry or fear.

He tried to rein his magic back into himself, but flashes of Lyon standing in front of him as a bright flash of magic struck through the center of his chest like a javelin ran through his mind like a movie reel, preventing him from doing so. 

"You're right,"� He hissed darkly, "You didn't know him well, so don't try and pretend that you did. Stay out of this Juvia; it doesn't concern you in the slightest."�

It was at that moment that he realized that the entire guild hall had gone silent. He defiantly raised his head to look at the frozen and surprised faces of his comrades. Lucy had her hand clutched to her chest; her brown eyes impossibly wide as she stared at him. His eyes then wandered to his second oldest friend; Erza's eyebrows were furrowed in confusion and she had the angered glint in her brown eyes that promised she was going to force the answer out of him later. Cana had even stopped drinking out of her barrel to stare at him; sadness in her dark blue eyes.

He knew that even if he were to take a close look at the males in the guild, he would see something akin to concern on their faces as well. He had never addressed Juvia like that since he had known her. In fact, he was the one who had accepted her first despite her past affiliation with the Phantom Lord Guild; he wasn't even that accepting towards Gajeel and Gramps had had full confidence in the dark haired dragon slayer. 

But that was part of his problem now wasn't it?

He had grown to care for his crazy, Fairy Tail family; he couldn't imagine his life without them. And that was why he had to protect them; he had to protect them from his curse. The curse that tore apart any semblance of family that he had.

Lyon was proof of that. 

Mind set, Gray walked through the confused group of Fairy Tail members until he was standing at the bar. He was aware of Erza and Lucy's eyes burning into his back, but he pushed it to the back of his mind. He would have to prepare himself for the consequences of what he was about to do; he had to be prepared to leave everything behind him. And everyone.

Absolutely  _ everyone _ .

" Gray?" Mira's voice called to him softly.

His attention was brought from within his mind to the platinum blonde girl standing in front of him and Gramps who was sitting on the counter. He couldn't help but smile faintly at the ironic posture Gramps was resting in. He was sitting with his legs crossed on the bar top with his wooden staff resting in his lap and on his shoulder; just as it was all those years ago when he had met him. When he told him that reversing the Iced Shell would be impossible.

He could feel everyone's eyes on him now, but there was no way he was backing down; not this time. For the first time in a long time, Gray was happy that Natsu wasn't around at the moment; now even his bumbling boyfriend wouldn't be able to stop him from what he was about to do.

"Gramps,"� He stared into the much smaller man's wise eyes seriously, "I'm sorry, but I think my time with Fairy Tail is up."�

Makarov frowned at him,

"What are you talking about child?"�

Gray clenched his jaw tightly,

"I'm saying that I'm leaving Fairy Tail."�

FTFTFTFT

"C'mon Happy!"� Natsu called over his shoulder as he ran through the cobbled streets of Magnolia, "We're already late as it is."�

His blue furred companion flew alongside him trying to catch up,

"Slow down Natsu! I think they'd understand that you slept in; you were recovering from one of the most major battles we've had in a long time!"�

The pinkette frowned to himself at the truth in his friend's claim, but continued to push himself forward; even if his muscles still slightly protested. He didn't know what it was, but as soon as he woke up that early afternoon, he felt a dark pit in the bottom of his stomach and he had a feeling that it had something to do with Gray. 

Ever since the final battle with the Shadow Skull Guild, his raven had been struggling and he knew the reason why; as did everyone else who was part of the Neo Alliance. He had promised himself, and Lyon in the last moments of his life, that he would watch over Gray and make sure the ice mage wouldn't do anything stupid. 

And what was he doing? Sleeping.

Gray had been drawing further and further into himself over the past couple days. It was at the point where he wouldn't even let Natsu touch him. It was as if the raven had locked himself behind a wall of ice that not even his flames were able to penetrate. Not this time. And that's probably what frightened him the most.

Natsu picked up his speed as the guild hall loomed into view; he was faintly aware of Happy lagging behind him, but at this time he couldn't wait for him. Judging by the scents of confusion, fear, and sadness surrounding the hall, something had already happened.

In typical Natsu fashion, the pinkette slammed his way through the guild hall doors despite his heavy injuries and almost sent the wooden doors flying off their hinges. He stood in the doorway, his chest heaving as his sharp amber-flecked green eyes skimmed over the present members of the guild; he wasn't surprised to see that his ice mage wasn't present among them.

He stomped into the hall; his flames threatening to lick up his arms as anxiety started to claw at his system. His nose already working overtime to find some evidence that Gray  _ was _ at the hall at some point that day.

"What happened?"� He demanded.

"N-Natsu..."�

His head shot to the left as he saw Lucy stumbling out of the crowd of people; tears falling down her cheeks. Before he could reiterate his question, she ran towards him and wrapped her arms around his chest. His arms hovered above her uselessly for a brief second before draping them over her shoulders in an effort to calm her down. However, just as soon as his arms settled she quickly pulled away and grabbed onto his forearms tightly.

"You have to stop him Natsu,"� She whispered; devastation coating her voice, "you have to hurry, before it's too late."�

His heart thumped loudly in his chest; nearly suffocating him in the process,

"Wh-what are you talking about?"�

"Gray left,"� Erza stated; although quiet her voice echoed around the room, "He left Fairy Tail."�

Natsu's eyes widened imperceptibly as the red-head's words reached his ears. There was no way...he would never...

Natsu pulled his arms out of Lucy's grip and stalked towards Erza; the temperature in the guild skyrocketing as his rage and confusion started to grow. He growled under his breath and grabbed onto Erza's armour.

"What do you..."� He hissed; steam rising off his skin, "where did he go?!"�

"You don't get it,"� She whispered; casting her gaze to the floor with a clenched fist, "He _left_ Natsu; as in he left the guild indefinitely."�

His hands dropped limply to his sides; disbelief flowing through his body like blood pouring from a wound. He closed his eyes tightly hoping that this was nothing more than a dream and that it would all disappear when he opened his eyes. 

Gray was leaving him...

Just like Igneel did...

Just like...

NO! That wasn't going to happen; not this time!

"If that's true, why is everyone standing here?!"� He roared furiously, "Why the hell did you let him leave?!"�

"He looked like he knew what he was doing."� Gajeel muttered; his arms crossed over his chest guardedly, "There was nothing we could have done to change his mind."�

"What are you talking about?! Gray never knows what he's doing!"� Natsu argued vehemently; getting in the metal dragon slayer's space, "Especially in times like this!"�

Silence met his outburst which only angered him even more.

"Gajeel you were _there_ , you saw what happened! And Erza, Lucy, you remember what he was like on Galuna and we all saw what he was like after what happened to Ultear!"� Natsu bellowed, "Gray's an idiot when it comes to this stuff; you all _know_ that! And you still let him leave?!"�

"He's right."�

Everyone in the guild turned to face Gramps who was now standing on the bar top; his arms folded across his chest. The old man stared at his youngsters evenly, though the corner of his lips were twitching slightly. If he had to guess, Gramps probably felt as hurt, if not more, than everyone else. After all, he was the one to take Gray in all that time ago when the ice mage was still a young boy searching endlessly for a cure to save his master.

"Gray tends to forget himself...sometimes, his darkness becomes too great and he's unable to remember that he has us by his side to help him. He becomes afraid that he's going to lose us just like he's lost all the other important people in his life."�

Gramps sighed tiredly and sat back down on the bar top; closing his eyes thoughtfully,

"Losing his father and Lyon in such quick succession, so recently, proved to be too much for him to cope with; probably even more so since he hoped that his battle with Mard Geer and END would finally put his darkness behind him."�

"But Master,"� Mira glanced at the old man tearfully, "What can we do to bring him back? If what he thinks he's doing is right..."�

Natsu growled in the back of his throat,

"I already told you, he has no idea what he thinks. He's a stupid stripper who's too stuck on what he couldn't do in the past instead of what he can do now. Ice block can't hear our voices, hell, he can't even hear mine sometimes no matter how much I tell him to let my voice reach him."�

The pinkette felt an armoured hand clamp down on his shoulder reassuringly. He turned his head slightly to see Erza staring at him with tears swimming in her eyes. He kind of wished Gray could see her at this moment; maybe there would've been a chance that he would've hesitated enough for Natsu to make it to the guild hall in time. If there was one thing that Gray hated more than hot weather and 'takeover the world' jackasses it was making Erza Scarlet cry.

"He's a stubborn fool,"� She whispered; his shoulder crying in pain as she grips it even harder, "You know what he's like just as much as we do; Gray doesn't like to listen to anyone but himself. There was nothing much we could do once he made his decision."�

"Well there is one thing we can do," Gramps interrupted the macabre atmosphere; a smirk spreading across his wrinkled face, "Being as old as I am, I seemed to have forgotten to give him the 'Leaving Rites' for Fairy Tail. I'd say that's reason enough to track down that buffoon and drag him back here don't you?"�

Natsu stared at him blankly for a moment before a small smile started to worm its way onto his face. As if Gramps' words had magic, the atmosphere that surrounded the guild hall started to lift; determination and the will to fight had been ignited in everyone once again. The pinkette turned towards the main doors and pumped his fist in the air.

"Let's go get our ice princess back!"�

Cheers immediately erupted behind him as the voices of Fairy Tail became a simultaneous cacophony of sound,

"Aye!"�

FTFTFTFT

Gray stared up at his house and readjusted the backpack that was draped over his shoulder. He had lived in this apartment for as long as he was old enough to live on his own. Something in his chest pulled as he looked at it; so many things happened in this house. It almost made it hard for him to leave.

But he knew that he had no choice and no time to make his decision. It would only be a matter of time before Natsu found out about what he did and he knew that the pink haired bozo was the only one who would be able to change his mind.

And he really didn't want to say something he'd regret.

The raven turned away from the apartment building and made his way down the cobbled and crowded streets of Magnolia. Whenever he would pass a stall, the owner would smile and wave at him and some would even comment on the fact that he wasn't shirtless for once in his life. He tried to smile at the people who talked to him and he tried to laugh, but it was as if his whole face had frozen solid.

He had to leave before something happened to them; he had to leave before they were forced to suffer the same loss as he had. He would never wish this curse upon anyone. His heart hurt because he couldn't love anyone and it hurt because the people he loved died. He hoped that after facing his father, after losing him for the second time, he would be strong enough to protect the ones he cared about. 

What was the use of becoming a devil slayer if he couldn't even slay his demons?

Perhaps because the demon he had to slay was himself.

Gray was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by a soothing wind pushing his dark raven hair out his eyes. His eyes widened when he found himself, not at the train station, but at the river that he and Natsu had used to go to when they were kids. 

His heart pounded in his ears as he stared at the dried up ravine; how had he ended up here?! This was the place he least wanted to be; he didn't want to be here. He didn't want to remember;  _ Natsu  _ was written all over this place. 

He was written all over the grass where they would fall, panting and out of breath, after their many fights. He was written on the barks of the trees where they used to climb in order to get away from Erza. He was written in the dried up ravine where the water used to flow before they had accidentally destroyed it. He was written on the wind that caressed his skin like Natsu had the night that he had confessed that he loved him.

He couldn't be here. It would ruin everything.

"GRAY!"�

Out of instinct, his head turned to the sound of his name only for a tanned fist to fly at him and strike him in the cheek. Unable to brace himself, Gray was thrown off his feet and onto his back; his body skidding across the grass a couple meters before he finally came to a stop. 

The raven sat up stiffly; his body protesting from not being able to rest for the past couple days. He pressed the palm of his hand to his cheek and looked up at the angry mage who had struck him; not surprised to see narrowed amber-green eyes burning into him like the very magic her controlled.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"�

The raven averted his gaze from the angry dragon slayer; this is exactly what he didn't want to happen. There was no way that Natsu was going to let him leave now that he had found him; that much was certain. But he still had Plan B. 

He slowly pushed himself to his feet; burying his emotions for the raging pinkette deep in the recesses of his mind. It would hurt him less this way and make it more believable. He imagined making an Ice Make: Rampart for his emotions; impossible to climb and next to impossible to destroy.

"Gray,"� Natsu growled impatiently and grabbed the front of his jacket, "What the hell do you think you're doing, huh?! Just leaving the guild like that?! I know it hurts dumbass; I know it does, but you can't push us away!"�

The ice mage bit the inside of his cheek before allowing his mask to slip into place; he embraced it like a familiar friend,

"I can do whatever I damn well please flame brain. Fairy Tail isn't doing anything for me anymore; I can't spend the rest of my life stuck here."�

The pinkette seemed to freeze for a moment before a dark look spread across his face,

"What did you say ice bastard?"�

Gray grabbed onto Natsu's wrist and yanked it off his jacket,

"I thought dragon slayers were supposed to have good hearing? I said that Fairy Tail is holding me back; I need to look elsewhere."�

"Don't lie to me Gray,"� The dragon slayer hissed and pressed so close to the ice mage that their noses were practically touching, "Don't you dare say bullshit like that to me when you know that I can tell when you're lying to me."�

The raven growled under his breath and pushed Natsu away from him. Gray clenched his fists at his sides and cast his eyes to the ground for a moment. It looked like he was going to have to kick it up a notch and he knew after this, there was no going back. 

He knew that as soon as he crossed the boundary he was thinking of crossing, Natsu might very well grow to despise his very existence; but he knew that's what he needed. 

"Fine fire for brains, do you want the truth?"� He spat, "The truth is you're holding me back Natsu. The truth is that ever since I've been with you, all you've done is make my life hell. The truth is that I don't _love_ you anymore!"�

Natsu looked as if he was about to retort with something just as harsh when the wind seemed to blow right out of his sails. His mouth hung open slightly and he was blinking at Gray owlishly; it was as if he couldn't believe what he had heard. Gray swallowed back the pain and the guilt that had started to build within him and pushed forward; he had to break Natsu enough that he would leave him alone forever.

It was the only way.

"No one would ever be able to love you the way you want,"� His heart throbbed heavily, "No matter what Natsu, they're going to leave; people leave, that's what happens in life and there's nothing you can do to stop it! So stop acting like a petulant child and screw off; I'm starting to see why Igneel left you."�

He practically felt Natsu flinch at the last thing he said. He could imagine the devastation that Natsu was feeling; it was a feeling he was used to. He turned away from Natsu and started to walk away from him. If that didn't shock him or hurt him enough, he didn't know what would. He was about to take another step forward when a warm hand wrapped around his and held him firmly in place.

"Fuck Natsu!"� Gray shouted furiously, "Let me go damnit! What the hell is so hard for you to understand?! I don't love you and I don't want you near me! Just leave me the fuck alone alright!"�

"No,"� Natsu growled, "Because if you wanted to go, you would've been gone by now. You're just as strong as me Gray, if not stronger; if you truly wanted to leave you would've been nowhere to be found."�

"Seriously,"� Gray spat in frustration, "I'm not allowed to visit some places before I go? I practically grew up here fire bastard of course I want to say goodbye."�

"Don't lie to me,"� The pinkette repeated seriously as he squeezed his hand, "I know you better than you know yourself; like I said, you would've left a long time ago if it was truly what you wanted."�

The ice mage felt an indescribable emotion clutch as his chest as he stared at the completely serious dragon slayer. Why? After everything he just said, Natsu still wouldn't let him go; even after he went so low as to say that Igneel left because of the pinkette. When in reality, Igneel had no choice, but to leave; especially the second time around.

Both of them had lost a father that day.

His eyes started to burn as tears threatened to break through his mask and reveal just how many cracks there were in his façade. Gray raised his free hand and pressed it against his forehead; a self-deprecating laugh escaping his mouth.

"You know me better huh?"� His mouth drying like cotton, "You honestly think you're the only one who knows me?"�

Silence was what met his question; he would've thought that Natsu gave up on him if it weren't for the constant warmth that was in front of him. The warmth that he spent most of his childhood at Fairy Tail despising with every fibre of his being; the very warmth that he had tried to escape from for just as long.

But then, Galuna Island happened and everything changed; he began seeking that warmth and accepting it into his very essence. With that warmth becoming a constant in his life, he wasn't even sure he could leave Natsu's side; no matter how much he wanted to. 

He was pulled out of his thoughts by the very warmth he was thinking about. He felt Natsu's calloused fingers clasp the hand that rested on his forehead and slowly lift the hand off. The familiar temperature of his hand was quickly replaced by the heat of Natsu's forehead as the stubborn pinkette rested their heads together. It wasn't long before the dragon slayer laced fingers in the hairs at the back of his neck; making sure that he wouldn't be able to go far.

"I don't just _think_ that droopy eyes,"� Natsu muttered; the breaths lingering together in the small place between them, " _I know_ that I know you better than you know yourself. _I know_ that you don't want to leave me and _I know_ that you really don't want to leave Fairy Tail. _I know_ that all the bullshit you were spouting was a way to push me away and most of all, _I know_ that you blame yourself for not only Lyon's death, but Ultear's, Ur's, your father's and mother's even if we know and _they know_ it was not your fault..."

"N-Natsu..."� His eyes widened as Natsu squeezed the nape of his neck to silence him.

"But more than anything, I do _know_ one thing,"� His green eyes stared into his intensely, "I know that you need me now more than you've ever needed me before, even if you don't want to acknowledge it; so I won't let you down. Do you want to know why that is Ice Princess? Do you want to know _why_ I continue to fight against your darkness even though you want to give in?"�

The corner of Gray's lips twitched,

"Because you're a stubborn jackass who won't do what he's told?"�

"Maybe that's part of it,"� Natsu shrugged non-committedly; a fire blazing in his eyes, "But I'd say more than anything, it's because you're the only thing in this world that I would die without."�

Gray closed his eyes tightly as if he had been struck with a thousand lashes. There was no way Natsu could say something like that; he wasn't allowed to say things like that, it wasn't fair! Gray slowly raised his arm, which had been laying limply at his side and grasped onto Natsu's forearm tightly. The pain and guilt was thrumming in his veins as he forced his eyes open so that he could look the squinty-eyed dragon slayer in the eye. 

"You say that now flame brain," He whispered defeatedly, "But a few years from now, I'd be nothing more than a memory and that would be a price I'd pay if it meant that you'd live."�

Natsu's eyes widened in disbelief and snarl escaped his lips,

"Didn't you hear anything I just said?! Why won't my voice reach you Gray?! There seriously can't be that much ice in between your ears to miss everything I just said!" 

Risking the poor hairs on the back of his neck, Gray pushed Natsu away from him; wincing at the slight tug that the action caused. The raven rubbed the nape of his neck as he forced himself to glare at the hurt dragon slayer that was standing in front of him. Gray clenched his hands into fists so tightly that his nails were piercing the palm of his hand. 

"I get that you think that you'd die without me," He spat, "But you have to understand that even if you think that now, it might be different in a few years; you might not even remember me. I'd rather you live without me than you live with me and die."�

God, he just wouldn't be able to handle it.

"Everyone dies Gray."�

The air caught in Gray's throat,

"What?"�

Natsu grabbed onto his shoulders tightly and shook him in an effort to shake so sense into him,

"Even if you left right now, I could die tomorrow. And if that happens it would be because you wouldn't have been able to prevent it like you would've been able to if you were here."�

"Don't you dare..." The ice mage clenched his fists at his sides, "Don't you dare try and turn this around on me!"�

"What's wrong?"� Natsu taunted, "Are you afraid to accept that I'm right Gray? Are you afraid to accept the fact that there is a chance I could die even if you leave?" 

"SHUT UP!"� Gray roared furiously, "YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND! FUCK YOU NATSU AND YOUR FUCKING PHILOSOPHIES! FUCK YOU AND EVERYONE ELSE!"�

"Can't live up to the truth stripper?" Natsu snarled; flames licking his forearms, "Can't live up to the fact that death doesn't follow you around?! Lyon would beat you senseless if he saw you acting the way you are right now!"�

"You don't have the right to bring him into this!"� Gray slammed his fist to his palm, "He's not here anymore! He can't talk for himself so don't try and say what he would want!"�

It didn't take long for words to be lost in the summoning of magical power; the words had barely left Gray's mouth and Natsu was running at him ready to hit him with a Fire Dragon's Iron Fist. Gray swerved out of the way summoned an ice floor causing Natsu to lose his footing as soon as his feet touched the ice covered ground. 

However, not wasting a chance, Natsu brought his hands to his lips and blew as hard as he could causing a wave of fire to wash over Gray. The ice mage had only managed to partially erect a shield before the flames hit him; however, the creation was quickly dispelled and he was engulfed by an extreme heat. Gray grit his teeth in slight pain, but forced himself to run through the flames and into the clearing once more. 

He ran at the dragon slayer, the flames still licking the edges of his clothing, and crossed his arms over each other. It didn't take long for his hands to light up in a familiar blue light; two long swords appeared in his hands as he created Ice Bringer. 

He was about to deliver the attack when his eyes landed on his own forearm; the mark he had received from his father shining brightly. Due to the break in his concentration, the swords disappeared and he was met with Natsu's head ramming into his abdomen from a Fire Dragon's Sword Horn. 

He felt himself flying through the air; his eyes never straying from the mark that his father had given him. After being lost in the darkness for so long, his father was able to find the light. Even after believing he was dead, he tried to continue forward and avenge him; he wanted to defeat END and save everyone from having to be hurt by a demon again, but in the process he had become a demon himself. 

His father was a dead man living a dead life; he wasn't truly alive until the moment he truly died.

Was that what life was? Was Natsu right for once? Did one live just so they could die?

But even if it's true and everyone was living to die someday, he still wanted everyone to be happy. Wouldn't they be happier without him there dragging them down? So many great wizards gone before their time all because of him; does he truly deserve to be happy? 

Is it truly possible for him to live a life with his comrades?

To live a long and happy life with Natsu?

His back collided with the hard ground; all the air getting knocked out of his lungs. Gray struggled to regain his breath as he lay on his back; the green grass brushing against the palms of his hands. He grasped the grass in his hands tightly and closed his eyes. 

Even from his position on the ground, he could feel Natsu looming over him; anger and worry encompassing the air around them.

"Natsu,"� He whispered, "Do I deserve to be happy?"�

He listened as the pinkette sighed under his breath and lowered himself to the ground beside him. He could hear Natsu's chest heaving slightly from the short battle they had and he couldn't help but find it comforting.

"Yes,"� He whispered just as quietly, "We all think you deserve to be happy, even those you're delusional enough to think you killed want you to be happy."�

The bottom of Gray's lip quivered, but his eyes remained closed in a vain attempt to keep his tears hidden. However, he knew how successful that was when he felt Natsu's warm hands brushing against his cheekbones; the long, calloused fingers catching the frozen droplets. 

Gray swallowed back a sob as he opened his eyes enough to look at Natsu.

"How do you know?"�

Natsu smiled sadly and started to run his fingers through Gray's hair soothingly. The ice mage unknowingly leant his head into the warmth; more tears managing to escape his eyelids,

"Because they all loved you Gray, just as we do."� The pinkette said knowingly, "They loved you so much that they felt sacrificing their-selves for your sake was worth losing their lives. It would only make sense for them to want you to be happy despite your losses and keep on living for them; never letting your light fade in the darkness."�

Â The raven threw his forearm over his eyes and choked on a sob,

"I'm doing one hell of a job aren't I?"�

Natsu scoffed before he lay down beside him. Without thinking, Gray immediately curled into Natsu's side and hid his face in an all too familiar white muffler; the dragon slayer's scent engulfing his senses. 

Natsu threw his hand over the ice mage's waist and pulled him close so that there was no space left between them. Gray could feel Natsu's nose in his hair as they lay together in the grassy plains of the riverbed. 

"Everyone gets lost sometimes idiot," Natsu inhaled deeply, "What matters is that you manage to find yourself before doing something stupid."�

Gray pressed his face, if possible, even deeper into the crook of Natsu's neck. His heart throbbed rhythmically in his chest as pain and guilt continued to rapidly pulse through his system. He knew somewhere deep in his mind that his dragon slayer was right. But there was always that small part of him that would always drown him in fear. He was so afraid of being left alone again; he was so afraid of his family being torn away from him once more.

"Well,"� He muttered, "That's why I have you isn't it? You're the one that always manages to stop me before I do something stupid."�

The pinkette chuckled,

"You sound like you're complaining; don't forget you're as much a pain in my ass in that department as I am in yours and you've been doing it for much longer."�

Gray's eyebrows furrowed in confusion,

"What are you talking about?"�

Natsu snorted before sitting up once more; his grip on the ice mage forcing him into a sitting position as well. Gray couldn't help but get even more curious as the dragon slayer remained silent for a few moments; his amber-flecked green eyes seemingly staring into nothing. He was about to ask Natsu what the hell was going on when the pinkette turned his head and smiled at him with a mischievous grin.

"I'll admit I was extremely oblivious and reckless as a kid when I ran around looking for Igneel; I remember that I'd sometimes ignore my surroundings and end up staying away from the guild for days, maybe weeks, simply because I lost track of time. But one thing I did notice every once and a while was the scent of mint and pine trees following me wherever I went."�

Gray blinked at him owlishly for a moment before what Natsu had just said to him started to sink in. A deep red blush immediately took over his pale face,

"You knew?!"�

Natsu rubbed the back of his head,

"I did and I didn't...some part of me knew you were there, the other part was too busy looking for Igneel; since I was so distracted every time I smelt you, I thought I was just imagining it."�

The raven slapped his palm to his forehead and sighed dramatically,

"You really are an idiot."�

"Eh, maybe,"� The dragon slayer smiled softly, "But that means we're idiots together and sometimes we need one another to snap each other out of our idiocy, ne? We can't always leave it up to Erza."�

Gray chuckled under his breath,

"I'm sure if we did, we'd become nothing more than a pair of walking bruises."�

"Look at that,"� Natsu whispered playfully as he nuzzled his nose into the base of Gray's neck, "I finally got you to laugh...t's been so long since I've seen you smile."�

The corner of the ice mage's mouth dropped slightly as he realized that Natsu was right. He inhaled deeply through his nose and rested his hand on the back of his lover's head; the thick, pink strands tangled between his slim fingers. He rested his chin on the crown of Natsu's skull and huffed exhaustedly.

"I know," He whispered, "I'm sorry."�

He felt as Natsu smiled against his skin before he nipped gently at the base of his throat. Gray swallowed back a quiet moan as Natsu pulled away from him slightly and rested their foreheads together; his smoldering amber-green eyes meeting Gray's frozen deep blue depths. The pinkette tilted his head slightly before capturing the raven's mouth with his own. 

It was one of the more gentle kisses they've shared together, but it wasn't any less meaningful; if anything it was more so. Gray hummed slightly as Natsu pulled back; a faint smile lingering on his burning lips. 

"Don't be sorry ice head,"� The pinkette stressed, "You did something any normal person would have done under your circumstances. Of course, you were stupid for thinking that we'd let you go so easily, but I'm willing to let it slide."�

The corner of Gray's lip twitched in amusement,

"Oh and why is that?"�

"Because you'll have to deal with Erza and the rest of the guild; and I'm not sure if I'm going to help you or not."�

Gray's eye twitched slightly,

"Ah hell."�

Natsu chuckled at his undoubtedly horrified expression before kissing his jaw,

"She'll go easy on you...maybe." 

Gray really wanted to believe him, but he had a feeling that that wasn't going to be the case.

It was bad enough that he'd have to deal with an angry Erza, but he'll probably have to deal with an irate Cana, an upset Lucy, a sobbing Juvia, an overbearing Elfman, a punch over the head from Gajeel, maybe another from Laxus, and possibly a whack over the head from Gramps and his goddamn walking stick; this wasn't shaping up to go very well for him. 

"Gray?"�

The ice mage hummed in response and glanced at Natsu once more. The dragon slayer raised a hand and ran his fingers across the ice demon slayer's cheekbone soothingly before cupping the cool cheek in his warm palm. Gray unknowingly leaned into his touch in an attempt to soak up the warmth that Natsu was giving him.

"If you ever need to talk about them,"� He stated seriously, "Any of them, I want you to know that you can talk to me; I wouldn't be able to handle it if you did something like this again."�

Gray's eyes fell closed as Lyon's death started to flash before his eyes once more. 

After a few tense moments, he slowly opened his eyes once more and found himself drowning in pools of endless amber-green. He reached out to Natsu again and tangled his fingers in the hairs that rested at the base of his neck in an effort to ground himself from succumbing to the pain of Lyon's death for the millionth time that day. 

He thought of all the time he had to leave Magnolia and yet his moronic boyfriend was able to catch up with him easily. 

"I'll try,"� He promised, "As for me leaving, well, I think we've established that if I wanted to leave, I would've left by now. You're the one that knows me better than I know myself Natsu so you should know why leaving Magnolia would be impossible for me."�

Natsu pursed his lips together,

"Oh yeah and why's that ice princess?"�

"You're the one who keeps my mind off the edge." Gray leaned forward and pressed a small kiss to the corner of his lips.

The dragon slayer bumped their noses together affectionately,

"I'm here for you Gray. I promised _him_ and I promised you and as long as I'm able I'll hold onto that promise for as long as I shall live with you by my side." 

Gray snorted weakly and pressed a light kiss to Natsu's jaw,

"That was extremely sappy of you to say flame brain; I didn't expect it from someone like you."�

Natsu nipped at his bottom lip,

"Shut up, I know you love it and I know you love me."�

In lieu of response, the ice mage pressed his lips firmly against Natsu's and kissed him as deeply as his lung capacity would allow. If Natsu claimed he knew Gray better than he knew himself, the raven could say the same thing.

After what felt like an eternity, they finally broke for air. Natsu smiled at him brightly and kissed his nose before pulling him to his feet. It wasn't until he was upright that he realized just how exhausted he was; not that Natsu looked any better.  He guessed that's what happens when they decide to have an all-out brawl a couple days after the most strenuous mission they've had since the battle with Tartaros. He was pulled out of his thoughts by Natsu's hand wrapping tightly around his and dragging him towards Magnolia once more. 

"C'mon ice block,"� Natsu teased, "Let's go to the guild and get you reinstated and then we can go for a nap."�

Gray rolled his eyes and laughed loudly; though of course Natsu didn't realize that it was at his expense. The ice mage knew perfectly well what that sleep wouldn't be in the cards; there was no way he'd be able to leave the guild hall without getting the snot smacked out of him.

After all, if Natsu knew him better than he knew himself and Gray knew Natsu better than he knew himself, it was only logical that he'd know his Family better than anyone else.


End file.
